I Want It To Be My Turn

I had just come home from visiting an elderly lady in the hospital.  I had been saddened at the deteriorating of her physical body . . . Things just didn't hardly work anymore, her shoulders, standing, parkasons had set in and she was trying to reason with the therapist that she didn't need this . . .  she was going home and would do therapy there . . . In tears and a quavering voice, over and over she related her wishes and I could tell her world was feeling apart.

I asked the therapist is I could share my Bible memory verses with her before they took off from the room to therapy . . .I read Hebrews 11:1-13 in a voice that I hoped conveyed my faith and trust in God, this God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob who having seen the promises afar off were assured of them, embraced then and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth . . .

Hugging her, I prayed over her God's peace and comfort . . .

All the way home, my heart ached . . .

And as I said on my kitchen bar stool and forked salad into my mouth contemplating this ladies distress, I lost sight of the truth.

My husband who had stopped by on an errand in the middle of the morning laid his have on my shoulder as now MY voice  quivered as I  tried to express how it would be to know one isn't getting any better . . .  things slowly stop working and ya know someday your gonna die . . . And the years, months weeks and days keep ticking by and you e done with life here below.

With his hand still in my shoulder, my steady man reminded me in an absolutely cheerful voice of what we have to look forward to . . . My heart stopped and considered . . . And turned around.

God, you are so right . . . What have I been thinking . . . She's getting closer to "home" . . . There isn't pain in that . . . There is great joy and anticipation of the wedding day with Jesus!!!

In fact, as I kept meditating on this vein of  thought . . . I remembered my thoughts at funerals as an adult . . . I go there thinking it's not fair . . . It's not fair  that . . . That they get to go first now. . . Now . . . Before me . . . I want to go . . . I want to be in my beloveds presence, to be married to my Jesus . . . I want it to be my turn . . .

My daughter's go around  thehouse singing songs occasionally . . . One of their favorites goes like this, "How far is heaven, when CAN I go???"

Satan wants me to pity the elderly . . . To think of earthly things . . . To be sad and gloomy about the end of earthly life . . .

God on the other hand says rejoice and be exceeding glad!

There is another song that goes through my mind today, "We're not Home yet children, keep your eyes on the Savior . . . "

So there you have it . . . I'm selfish . . .  I have found when I had cancer that life is harder to live each day faithfully staying in the battle, than it is to let go and be ok with going home sooner . . .

So here's where bravery steps in . . . The courage to live and fight, to go on . . . To continue with a firm resolve that this world is not my home and to live for eternity . . .

What are you doing? . . . Fighting bravely or letting go . . . Relaxing and taking it easy, cause life is hard . . . Cause life isn't fair . . . Cause living for God takes effort . . .

My middle name Loraine supposedly means "brave in battle" . . . But I feel so not that!!! . . . I feel wimpy and weepy . . . Crabby and grumpy . . . Soft and spinless . . . But when I embrace Jesus . . . Then there is stability and strength in my life ...

Whatever we need, God is . . . And if He isn't, then we don't need it . . . Well, isn't that true? . . .

I have a few more thoughts about childhood friendships and newly dating couples, newly Weds and older married folk like myself lol, but I need to get back to work . . . So, until He calls me home, I'll be here.