A Year Closer

December 31 . . . This thought brings me sweet joy . . . I am a year closer to meeting God face to face . . .

Aimee's Alphabet Thanksgiving List 2018

A
Ample soul food
Avid readers
Anchored men

B
Bountiful encouragement
Beaming faces
Bonny lads and lasses

C
Caring family and friends
Cautious teens
Capering youngen’s

D
Darkness of night for rest
Diligent students
Dazzling sunshine

E
Endearing baby
Excellent greatness of God
Effortless breath

F
Fair moonlight
Fine print of God’s Word
Familiar faces

G
Gushing joy
Gorgeous sunrises
Glory awaiting

H
Happy hearts that overflow
Honorable parents
Harmonious brotherhood

I
Industrious husband
Ivory hues
Inner cleansing

J
Jolly times
Joyous Sunday mornings
Jingles of bells

K
Kind neighbors
Kitchen space
Keen insights

L
Lively singers
Little singers
Lilting birdsong

M
Maturing teens
Male strength
Meekness exemplified

N
Neat rooms
Nutritious food
Noble leaders

O
Onsite Friend
Overall God
Older (than myself 😉) ladies

P
Purifying process
Peaceful hearts
Pure, honest eyes

Q
Quiet moments
Quick pricks
Quaint flowers

R
Romantic husband
Reflective times
Rafters strong

S
Stedfast love
Sensitive friends
Simple savors

T
Tiny Toes
Tears
Thankful hearts

U
Upward climbers
Underneath Arms
Upbeat attitudes

V
Vigorous work to do
Vivacious daughters
Victorious living

W
Warm hearts and hearths
Willing workers
Washed souls

X
Someone who sees inside better than an X-ray
People who say I’m sorry and do not give eXcuses
Exuberance in living for Christ all around me

Y
Yielded lives
Youthful canter
Yonder enrollments

Z
Zealous youth
Zingy friends
Zappy children

True Light

The light of the city cast a warm glow on the horizon . . . It was cold and dark right before dawn as I sat on a lawn chair in the woods. Yes, I was along for the parental supervision of a minor, hunting.

Yesterday, I sat on a crooked wet, stump. The time before that, just a camp stool . . . and the sky was dripping :) so I couldn't read my book or write or text . . . I just had to sit still . . . and I am not used to much silence or solitude though I dream of such.

It wasn't light enough yet to read the little Bible that I had brought along, so I sipped on the hot coffee and delighted in the fresh, crisp winter air. My mind pondered around the thought of the light . . . and how that the light from the city in the dark of the night could seem like the light to "follow after" . . . Because that was the light that was there . . . But in reality it was fake light, man-made . . .

Now the Eastern sky was beginning to show light . . . Slowly every so slowly, yet steadily the light crept in . . . Brighter and brighter . . . It had given off the same light as the city for a bit, but soon outshone the man-made lights. The real sunrise, the true light was dawning and there was no stopping it.

And then, day was upon us . . . The sun, that burning ball of fire, that ever intense brightness ruled supreme. Night is coming again, we all know that. Dark times, cold times, long and lonely times . . . Will I hold out and wait for the real true light or will I let the cheap, counterfeit "light" fill my heart and take God's place . . .

This world's light does not hold a candle to the light and Light God created.

Comfort

An Elizabeth Elliot quote that is special to me today . . .

Mornings

There is always something about ANY day that is worth praising God about . . . Our eyes just have to be kept lifted up, seeking Him . . . God literally made my day today and " makes" my day when I seek Him! . . . A few weeks ago, I got to spend a bit of solitude here . . . Each morning I get to choose what is most important - time with Him or entering the rat race of life . . . Am I equipped for the day? . . . Is my soul anchored? . . .

Learning how to post pictures

It's the Season . . .

So I use my phone as my mini computer . . . Often my online time is while I am nursing my baby . . . It's hard to write blog posts like this . . . I swipe type, but not because I like to - it has a mind of its own but "we" get the job done . . .

Lots of fun and friends here this past weekend . . . Pies and bread and potato salad in the making for hosting a big thank you supper at our place tomorrow evening . . .

So, no big long paragraphs today . . . Just blurps . . . Cause this is the stage and season for them . . .

There is a season for everything 😋

Holding Fast

I found a new-for-me hymn . . .  Did you ever hear this one?

He Will Hold Me Fast

VERSE 1 
"When I fear my faith will fail, 
Christ will hold me fast; 
When the tempter would prevail, 
He will hold me fast. 
I could never keep my hold 
Through life’s fearful path; 
For my love is often cold; 
He must hold me fast. 

REFRAIN 
He will hold me fast, 
He will hold me fast; 
For my Savior loves me so, 
He will hold me fast. 

VERSE 2 
Those He saves are His delight, 
Christ will hold me fast; 
Precious in His holy sight, 
He will hold me fast. 
He’ll not let my soul be lost; 
His promises shall last; 
Bought by Him at such a cost, 
He will hold me fast."

 Ada Habershon (1861-1918), Public Domain. 

I love that it's not totally all up to us . . . Yes, I need to do my part . . . But then God does His!!! . . . He's my anchor . . . He HOLDS me fast!

" Let us draw near,
With a true heart,
In full assurance of faith.
Having our hearts sprinkled
From an evil conscience
And our bodies washed with our water.

Let us HOLD FAST
the confession
Of our hope,
Without
Wavering.
For
He
Who
Promised
Is
FAITHFUL!!
Hebrews 20:22-23

A Reason Why

A Take of Two Prisoners

This is one of the reasons why I serve God . . .  In the core of our being, God gives forgiveness and Grace for us to love and forgive others when it is not humanly possible . . .

Over and Over, Again and Again

Do you ever find yourself feeling emotional . . . I mean a bit overly emotional . . . not that you want to be, yet somehow ya can't quite squelch those hormones that make the tears flow so easily . . .

Do ya find yourself needing . . . needing that steady hand . . . needing comfort, or spiritual strength . . . needing soul strength . . . needing mind strength just to go through a normal day?

What do you do when you find yourself “weak and watery”?

This morning I was asking myself this question, “What am I to do to bolster and steady this woman up? Talking about myself here.  I am feeling all weak (emotionally) and watery (It’s tempting to just let the tears roll for no apparent reason, clearing the throat here)   . . . What is a body to do?  Take more vitamins, bother my husband at work again, call a friend, have someone pray for me, take a nap, take a walk, read the Bible? . . . All of these things I could do and often do, but the one that I keep coming back to and finding myself doing more and more is the last one I listed here. 

I don’t know how other ladies handle this . . .  All of this emotional package we were given when God planned and created, knitted and molded us . . . I know God made us all different.  I know too that often even ladies differ in this . . . and some of us “blessed” folk have even more than others in this regard.  I think I am is this latter category of blessed folk.

So, whether or not you feel you are in this category with me . . . Here we are . . . Ya wanna talk about it with me?  Can ya open up . . . and connect . . . am I alone?

I have found in my short life that when you don’t know what to do . . . Praise God . . .

I have five ways to do that in this scenario . . . And yes, this is real life at my house today . . . I stopped what I was doing, talked to myself, picked up my Bible and read, picked up my pen and wrote . . . picked up my heart and soul (off the flour) and steadied my heart with the Lord’s help. 

He is THE help.  He is the place to lift my soul’s eyes too.  He is the solace I need.  He is enough.

Though these other things can be helpful as well, I need to focus on this as my STRONG ROCK and REFUGE to run too . . . or fall too . . . and cling to . . . over and over, again and again.

I opened my Bible to the Psalms . . . Chapter 78. “. . . and they remembered that God was their ROCK . . . He remembered that they were but flesh . . . and GUIDED them by the skillfulness of His hands!”

My ROCK – STRONG, STEADY, SOLID, SOUND, SAFE, SECURE, SANTUARY . . . That is my God . . . These . . . these are mine to grasp and hold on to . . . these parts of God that He lets me touch . . . This is part of my inheritance – this strength that I can have . . .

So number one, I PRAISE the Lord for Psalms . . . Often psalms seems softer somehow, Jesus closer . . .  Than when I am reading elsewhere in the Bible . . . Though it can never beat the passage where God tells us (Hebrews 4:15) that Jesus was tempted in ALL points like we are . . . and that we are invited to come BOLDLY to the throne to ask for mercy and HELP in time of need . . .   I am often a “needy woman” . . .  I  NEED His mercy and His help to stay steady, to stay strong, to stay anchored!

Number two, I also PRAISE the Lord for sending me a personal “Comforter” . . . I mean who doesn't want a personal comforter and friend? The Holy Spirit gives guidance, and comfort and ministers to my heart in my need.  John 14:26 The Comforter will teach us all things – this means I can be taught how to be steady. 😊 . . . But I do believe that for this to happen, I will always have to be abiding in Him, dwelling in Him . . . Being one with Him – as in marriage, what’s not to love about that?  I love being with my husband, abiding, dwelling, being one, living in that love bubble that new love cloaked us with . . . So - DWELL in His love and stay connected to the Vine!

That brings me to my third point of praise – Praise the Lord for your husband and his willingness to listen and give gentle advice and guidance . . . This is a GIFT beyond measure! . . . but not everyone has this gift in hand . . . I understand that . . . and my heart aches with you . . .

Number four - Praise the Lord for the wisdom He DOES give . . .  and the grace to keep learning what exactly IS wisdom in so many different senarios . . . This is not for the faint of heart. It takes a tremendous amount of strength:  to keep drinking in a parched land, to keep growing where others have become weary, to keep going and not give up, to keep pressing on and not give in . . . It takes time for putting your roots down deep;  it takes time to drink of that living water.  It takes time to grow strong and it takes time to mature . . . It takes strength and time to produce fruit . . . and it takes strength and time and pruning to produce MUCH fruit. 

Lastly, PRAISE the Lord that ALL things work together for good, to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.  That verse has to be one of my all time favorites, because it reminds me EVERY time that nothing in life is in vain.  My God is too GREAT and BIG for that!  He can turn anything around that Satan intends for evil and use it for good . . . NO OTHER BEING is so great or powerful!

Like I was trying to say before, gaining strength, exercising those spiritual muscles of trust, of faith, is not for the faint of heart.

Yet, here I am talking about feeling weak and watery . . . How can I not feel faint of heart?

I think there is a bit of difference here maybe . . . feeling emotional and weepy . . . But where do I go with those feelings? . . . I may be feeling all emotional about something and may even cry about it, but in the end, I STEADY my heart in the SOLID ROCK.  I stroll down that heavenly aisle so to speak and fall before His throne asking for mercy and help . . .

My Father, knows how to comfort and hold . . . My Father, the One who created me this way after all, DOES know HOW to stabilize and fix me secure.  He KNOWS how to shelter and shield at the right time and how to allow the storms of testing and trials to purify and strengthen my spirit.  My God KNOWS.  “For I KNOW the plans I have for you . . .”

Andrae Crouches says it well in his song, "I’ve had many tears and sorrows, I’ve had questions for tomorrow, there’s been times I didn’t know right from wrong.
But in every situation, God gave me blessed consolation, that my trials come to only make me strong . . . through it all, I’ve learned to trust in Jesus, I’ve learned to trust in God."

God knows all about this making us strong stuff . . . In fact, I am the one who needs to listen up and pay attention to the reality behind everything every day . . . Every single thing is planned, allowed, in place . . . Specially designed for my testing, my growth, and my glorifying Him . . . And I, for one, don't want to miss out/ be blinded to the way things work down here below and up there above.  This life is not about me . . . It's about God . . . And it's about me bringing glory to God's name . . . And how does this subject of teariness fit in?

I am so glad to know that - over and over, again and again when I face the emotional drama some of us ladies tend to have, I have a sure and steady ROCK to lean on.

Always.

And that all of these things are part of His plan . . .

So over and over I thank You, God! . . . Again and again, I PRAISE Your Name!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Knock on My Door

"I don't have to go to garage sales anymore, people just knock on my door and give me dressers." I spoke into my cell phone as I entered our house once more.  I had just gotten back from a little excursion with the lady who knocked on my door.

I can just see my husband visibly relax in my mind. "Oh, good!" he's probably thinking. 

I do rather enjoy finding a good bargain on a needed [or maybe not so needed] object to bring home.  So, yeah, he might have some good reason to wrinkle up his nose and go "Uhmmm" when I exit the premises to enjoy this gallavanting around town.  Anymore though it's often one or two just around our neighborhood or on the way home from Wal-mart or the local grocery store . . . I like to make connections this way . . . And meet people . . . and chat . . . and yeah, I'm becoming more like my dear husband every year - a social bug.

Actually, in years gone by, we would sometimes take off on a Saturday morning and go garage saling as a date.  So, he does enjoy a good garage sale as well . . . as long as their are some guy things there . . . or his [ahem, cough] lovely wife to keep him company . . . or just anyone to strike up a conversation.  Yeah, he's a good guy like that! 

Like I have said before, we have good neighbors! Here in our neck of the woods, in our neighborhood, people have been known to just drop things off "because you have a large family and probably can use this".  This is true.  We do have a large family, and we usually can use what they bring.  The funny thing is . . . that they do this.

Anything from a basketball hoop stand (which we actually didn't keep, but soon went out and bought a much nicer one) to boxes of clothes, bags of fabric scraps, extra tomato plants, cucumbers, zucchini (You knew that one was coming, didn't you?], nice fuzzy jackets, coffee tables, blue jeans and etc.

  Even dressers I found out today.

I had just finished gobbling down a scrumptious tomato sandwich (Oh, yes, a better tomato than I can grow up here in "my sandbox" sent up with more scrumptious homegrown tomatoes in a box from a few hours south] and  reheated up my leftover coffee from this morning for dessert when I heard a faint knock on the basement door.  Cup in hand (because I am too busy these days and tired of reheating and reheating my coffee and not getting to finish while it is still got), I opened the door.

No familiar face greeted me . . . but a lady . . . a very nice lady who informed me that I was her "neighbor" and was recently at her garage sale and would we need a large dresser perhaps? . . . How did this lady know how I was and were I lived? . . . not sure other than we were there with our bus . . . and the bus is parked by our house advertising where we live. [grin]

"You can just have it," she said.

I'm like "Where was this garage sale at?  Maybe I can come look at it . . . right now. Hmm [thinking] . . . I'll follow you," I said.  I'll come and look at it and take a picture to send to my husband and see what he has to say."

And that was that.

Like I said, I don't hardly need to go to garage sales anymore . . . People just give us things!

. . . but I would miss the interaction and connections and good friends I make and miss not getting to know more good neighbors . . . Yeah, I better keep going now and then . . . Don't you think so?

A Good Read

My husband has a blog also . . . And just recently posted again . . . I think you'd like the article!!! Try it . . .

http://japhethstauffer.blogspot.com/2018/09/who-are-you-seeking.html

Wild Joy in my Heart - Part 2

So, now when I say I've written a lengthy post, you will really believe I meant what I said lol!!! ( If you started to read or actually did read my humongous "epistle"the other day, you will know what I mean).  . . . And I really hadn't finished what was on my heart . . . Can you believe, that this shy girl with so few words, had something to say that couldn't be said in a short post or even a long, long one!!! That is one of the "exceedingly abundantly above" numbers in action . . . Like I said, God really truly means what He says . . . And he really truly keeps his promises . . . So on to part two . . .

I'm beginning to find that I have often viewed God's promise of "exceedingly abundantly above" different than He has ... Thus, when that verse was before me, I felt kinda like I really didn't have much of a part in it . . . Have you ever felt this way before???

God's ways . . . So much higher . . . So true . . .

. . . As I started focusing on this search for the validity of this promise . . . Invariably, my heart reached higher . . . And opened up wider, each time I found His promise true!!!

Yes, God has even given physically "exceedingly abundantly above" at times . . . But most often my eyes are up there at eagle heights, soaring in his Grace . . . And the perspective makes a world of difference!!!

. . . A world apart from this one . . . I am part of a different kingdom . . . A heavenly one . . . Where my Father reigns in wisdom and might . . . And where my Father reaches down to LIFT me up . . . If only I had eyes (especially when I feel discouraged and tired of this battle) to see at ALL times that His will prevails . . . And His kingdom IS COMING!

My head knows that . . . My heart and soul are slow at times and I need that Father's arm to reach back and take my hand and pull me forward . . . He can . . . But He usually doesn't unless I ask . . . Unless I seek . . . And knock . . . What are you seeking for today???

Wild Joy in my Heart - Part 1

August 1, 2018

Warms of sun hugged my shoulders and kissed my face as I reached upward and into the bushes.  I soaked in the blissful moments of quiet and revelled in the occasional chirping of birds. Breathing deep my heart gave a sigh of relief. It felt good to have a little space to myself away from the commotion and chatter of the children.

Just that morning, spontaneity hit.  Knowing blueberry season was almost over and we hadn't taken time for that in our busy summer I decided something needed to be done.  So I gathered up the children that were at home, packed some popcicles, cheese sticks and ice water and jumped into the bus.  We took the time to stop by the neighbors and bring a friend along.

The past year has been so crazy busy, with trying to build a house, going through a hard pregnancy, giving birth to our eleventh child and lots of other dynamics that filled our lives to the brim.

I gave my husband a hug the day before and told him that I don't ever want to build another house . . . It's just almost taken us to insanity with all that we have going on.

So, we came searching for berries . . .  and possibly a bit of tranquility in the outdoors  . . .  Though I really didn't expect to find any quiet moments at all . . . God did the "exceedingly abundantly above all that I ask or think" . . .  I did!  I found blissful moment after moment of quiet . . . In the outdoors  . . . picking berries with the warm sunshine on my back or face, whatever way I was turned . . . The call of the birds reminding me that I was not alone in life, God was there . . . The slight breeze reminding me that I live in an amazing  three-dimensional world . . . The wild joy in my heart of my Father God bestowing upon my soul the space I so longed for . . . And the incredible awareness of how I so nearly missed this gift . . .  

Recently, God has challenged me to look for and list all the ways He is blessing me "Exceedingly abundantly above".

In the past, I have testified that God's word says that His grace is sufficient . . . And it IS sufficient/enough though it doesn't always (or often for that matter) FEEL that way. So I concluded,  after searching my heart, that this exceeding abundantly above stuff, I have not really been believing that it is truly so . . .

Like one can not believe this? Am I inadvertently calling God a liar because subconsciously in my heart I am not finding it true in my life . . . This needs to be reviewed I thought . . .  rectified or reconciled . . . I cannot go on living for God when I am not fully believing this . . . After taking to God about it, he suggested this . . .. And I have been amazed! . . . God truly is faithful.  God truly is not a liar.  God truly is true to His Word!  I am finding it so!

"Exceedingly abundantly above" . . . How do you see this played out in your personal life?

Ephesians 3:20-21  "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

A number of years ago, a good friend of mine blessed me with a special gift of a saying carved in wood. "Prayer changes things".  I was thrilled with the gift, though in my heart I wasn't thrilled with THAT saying . . . If all things, couldn't it have been a "really neat" saying? . . . Over time I began to hear God's voice speaking to me through those words that I wanted to reject/ set aside for something different.   

I came to realize that it really is true.  Yes, I believed it in my head, but my heart was having a harder time with it in several circumstances in our lives . . . God was giving me the BEST gift with my friends choice of words for me . . . At the time, my idea and God's idea was different.  God clearly states in Isaiah
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."  I am so human.  I have fallen short so many times.  I am slowly learning a bit to think more like him and follow His ways more. . . It truly is a journey . . . This walk of life . . .

And I found, that that saying fit what I needed to learn perfectly . . . I needed to learn that yes, prayer changes things . . . It changes ME!!!
It changes the way I LOOK at life wether through God's eyes, with the Eternal in mind . . . or  through my own thoughts and ways that are definitely focused a lot lower to this earth, to my own fleshly wishes and desires . . .

Back to my berry excursion . . . So, I was out there among the grass, the brush, the trees and bushes soaking up the sunshine of His Grace when I hear the call of one of my daughters. "Mom"

"Yes?". I answered, thinking  I would needed to head back now. Loraine and the two little girls has started picking the ripe chokecherries that greeted us as we stepped out of the bus. I, remembering how easy it is to get lost here, ventured out into the bushes in search of blueberries but energy up picking what God had provided right in front of me. 

No answer . . . Alright then, I thought, I will stay here. I am greatly enjoying this and it sounds like I really am not needed at the "Grand Central station" yet.

Awhile later, I hear the call again, "Mom?".

This time I answer, "What? I'm here!" . . . By this time, the thought had occurred to me that my child might just want to know that I'm still around . . . That I didn't just disappear . . . Or get lost like I warned and cautioned them about lol. 

And sure enough, there was no response this time either.  The third time she called, she confirmed my thoughts with her reply,  "Mom? . . . Just wondering were you are."

Now this particular daughter is fourteen.  And she is not particularly scared of things . . .  But she, can I say, is still a child and needed her Mom's reassurance that I was still there even and especially when she couldn't see me and we were out in the "wild". 

God speaks softly . . . He who made mothers after himself . . . Knows how to be gentle . . . He who made us His children, knows just what we need.

My heart immediately burst with song . . . This was God speaking . . . This dawning of realizing that that's exactly how I relate to Him my Father/Mother . . . I call out to Him quite frequently just to be reassured that He's there and so so often with life's burdens that weigh me down. . .

I can't go on in my own strength . . . I need His Precious Presence . . . His assurance that He's near . . . Though I can't physically see Him or  physically hear Him . . . He's there,  answering back . . . Calling my name . . . Reassuring me that He is there, that He is near . . . But, oh, it's so much BETTER than I can be to my daughter . . .  Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Exceedingly abundantly above . . . How has He incredibly blessed???  . . .

In order for me to answer that question, I have to let you in on a secret.  Now really, this is not some mysterious mystery, but it does take an open heart to understand and open eyes to clearly see . . . As with Jesus' parables, let those who are willing will grasp it well . . .

May I ask you a question . . . What do you think of when you hear the word blessing? . . . Do we revert to the modern day definition of blessings meaning being physically blessed with good things/gifts?

There is no hint of material prosperity or perfect circumstances in any New Testament reference. On the contrary, blessing is typically connected with either poverty and trial or the spiritual benefits of being joined by faith to Jesus . . .

Can you believe me when I say that the greatest blessings usually come through trials and hardship . . . That some of the absolute BEST blessings are a deeper faith in God, a closer walk with Him, a stronger hold onto the Eternal . . .

Listen to these verses . . .

“Blessed are the poor in spirit. . . . Blessed are those who mourn. . . . Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake . . . Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you.” (Matthew 5:3–4, 10–11)

“Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!” (Luke 11:28)

Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven. (Romans 4:7; quoting Psalm 32:1)

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial. (James 1:12)

“Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on. . . . Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” (Revelation 14:13, 19:9)

So, how do I view God and His blessings . . .  ( To be continued)

Part of Being Part of Him

Somehow, I feel the need to explain . . . And by the way, this is lengthy, again . . . I'm about ready to reopen my blog . . . Somehow it feels safer in some ways . . . I guess one of the reasons I left there was it was lonely . . . But here, I see your faces . . . Ha, I'm talking like a women again . . . Well, I am one . . . And I like being one . . . I think . . . 😉

Why God has me here . . . At this place of "overwhelmedness" so that I feel unraveled and messy . . . I have been seeking the Lord . . .What can I do about this busyness that-I feel-I-can't-do-anything-about . . .😋 Searching for less busyness, saying "No" where I think I can . . . Asking God for wisdom and direction . .

Yet, I find myself here anyhow, anyways . . . Why? . . .

There is a balance in all things . . . As we all know . . .

And there is a balance, I think, I have yet to find . . .

YET, on the other hand, this IS where I feel God wants me to be . . . God wants me to BE dependant on Him for DAILY nourishment, for daily wisdom, for daily strength from above . . . We are not to be able to do this all on our own . . .

"Spend and be spent",. Paul says . . . And he did not have a life of ease, a "modern privilege" can I say of saying "No" ( Okay, I am feeling sarcastic here) . . .  But truly, is life all about have the "proper" margins in our lives? . . . And how DO we decide what ARE the proper margins?

Now don't get me wrong . . . I am trying to put greater "margins" in my life . . . My sanity depends on it . . .

But I think too that we often forget the greater picture in all this . . . This is not about me . . .

I'm sure David wished he could say no, to more battles, more war . . . Yet, somehow he found himself in battles, fleeing from the enemy, hiding in caves . . . And even pretending to be crazy! . . .

Moses, we know, didn't always appreciate the Children of Israel that he had to help "parent" 😁 . . .

Elijah had to trust ravens to feed him and then the brook dried up . . . Couldn't he "give himself" more margins? . . . Sure, he could .
.  but, he would have been shirking the duties and work God planned for him . . . ordained and created him for . . . Actually, he would be disobeying God as God directed him in this . . .

Esther . . . Do you get the picture? . . .

No, I don't claim to be some great saint at all . . . (I do my share of sinning against God, complaining, getting angry and frustrated at our children . . . Letting pressures and stress turn into worry and anxiety) I do claim forgiveness though and salvation . . . and redemption . . . I claim to be washed and adopted . . . I claim to be His daughter . . . and I CERTAINLY claim GRACE to try to live a life pleasing to my Heavenly Father . . .

I do try to accept and embrace His plan for me . . . For me as a women . . . And for me personally . . . And in this modern day and age, to still live out Jesus teachings . . . And remain true and faithful . . . To hang on to Him with all I've got . . .

Shari Zook says on her blog, "But I have come to see that it is Mercy when you face your unraveling early in life instead of late." . . . It is good for us not to have "all our ducks in a row so to speak" . . . It is good to be humbled by our children . . . It is good to experience pain and grief so that we might understand others better . . . It is good to be stretched and stretched some more, to let go of pride and invite people over even when things are not all in order like we want them to be . . . To let people see us for who we are . . . To open up our hearts and write lengthy posts about where we are at in life 🤣 . . .

There are benefits to me being at this can I say "breaking point"  . . . It's not all bad . . . In fact, I am here, because I feel this is God's plan . . . I didn't think I could have, would have changed anything . . . I mean yes, I'D ABSOLUTELY LOVE to have more time and space in my life . . . I would love to not have to experience pain and grief and stress and too much buyness. . . But these things in life that have brought me here . . . Are all for a reason . . . And I know "that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose"

To me, it's just part of the journey, of drawing closer to Him . . . Part of the journey of trusting Him more fully . . . Part of the being "broken" and "poured out" that He lived . . . Part of being part of Him . . .

Stress

. . . "You gotta let it go" my husband told me again yesterday . . . Inside I screamed,  ". . . but I am!!!!" . . . Okay, maybe I am as best as I know how . . . But it keeps coming back and sneaking up on me and grabbing me . . . Stress . . .

Busyness that I can't say no to . . . Weariness of noise . . . And cooking for other people besides my family . . . cleaning rooms that don't stay clean a day or even a few hours  . . . and changing diapers that keep getting stinky lol and settling squabbles day after day . . . Homeschooling yet again and again and again . . . Going round and round in discussions with a disgruntled teen . . . Knowing or not knowing how to encourage a friend . . . Wanting to be there for the little people at church, yet needing lady conversations and encouragement myself . . . Keeping myself out of negativity . . .  Praying again and again for wisdom and strength to raise our two year old who has mad fits . . .

How do I let go and continue to leave it there? . . . How do I take His burden which is light in exchange for my heavy ones ?. . .

I have been watching the summer green leaves of the trees that surround our house wave and swing and sway with the wind.  At first, after we put the windows in, I had to look for positive things to override my disappointment of us ordering the wrong size (they were all a bit shorter than we were thinking) . . . All I can see unless I go over and stand by the window is sky and a few tree tops . . .

I found multiple things to thank the Lord for!  Number one, I don't need to worry about quickly finding, making or buying curtains! These shorter windows certainly provide more privacy from the road! Secondly, this is good of God to remind me daily that I need to look up more often . . . To look higher than I normally tend too . . . To keep my focus heavenward! And thirdly, I don't need to see the mess of building materials or children's outdoor toys scattered around.  I can blissfully look at the sky and tree tops and watch the few birds that tweet and twitter to their hearts content above the commotion below!

So, this afternoon, as I was enjoying my daily tree watching, I noticed something again.  I have been becoming particularly fond of the popple trees to my chagrin! . .   (These are the trees that my husband plans to take a chainsaw to 😟 . . .)

I can stand and stare at these tree leaves for long periods of time - just watching their leaves!  The leaves are quite round, but they dangle and twirl and flutter and flip and flop like no other tree leaf! ( At least that I've noticed - now I have not been watching the tree leaves closely for very long, just a few months, and we only have a few varieties in our yard and the woods beyond).

Interestingly enough, this is what I found when I looked up the tree online. "Populus tremuloides is a deciduous tree native to cooler areas of North America, one of several species referred to by the common name aspen. It is commonly called QUAKING aspen,[1][2][3] TREMBLING aspen,[1][2] American aspen,[2] Quakies,[1] mountain or golden aspen,[4] TREMBLING poplar,[4] white poplar,[4]popple,[4] as well as others.[4]"

So I'm not alone . . . Many have noticed and it has adjectives to it's name like quaking and trembling!

So what has this to do with my subject of letting go of stress? 

Those leaves . . . They are held on by a "strong  arm" of a stem . . . But they twist and turn and are utterly flexible and happy . . . No stiff neck/shoulder muscles holding them back . . . They are loose and "carefree" . . . They are happy and light . . . They are glorifying God by BEING . . .
Not stressing, not worrying, not caring burdens that God didn't intend for them to carry . . . They simply let go and let God order the wind and rain and sunshine that He deems best for them, for that day, that hour, that minute! . . .

I have so much to learn!

I have so much to let go!

I have so much room to grow!!!

Returning to the blog world

I'm returning . . . after many years . . . to blogging. :} . . .