Part of Being Part of Him

Somehow, I feel the need to explain . . . And by the way, this is lengthy, again . . . I'm about ready to reopen my blog . . . Somehow it feels safer in some ways . . . I guess one of the reasons I left there was it was lonely . . . But here, I see your faces . . . Ha, I'm talking like a women again . . . Well, I am one . . . And I like being one . . . I think . . . 😉

Why God has me here . . . At this place of "overwhelmedness" so that I feel unraveled and messy . . . I have been seeking the Lord . . .What can I do about this busyness that-I feel-I-can't-do-anything-about . . .😋 Searching for less busyness, saying "No" where I think I can . . . Asking God for wisdom and direction . .

Yet, I find myself here anyhow, anyways . . . Why? . . .

There is a balance in all things . . . As we all know . . .

And there is a balance, I think, I have yet to find . . .

YET, on the other hand, this IS where I feel God wants me to be . . . God wants me to BE dependant on Him for DAILY nourishment, for daily wisdom, for daily strength from above . . . We are not to be able to do this all on our own . . .

"Spend and be spent",. Paul says . . . And he did not have a life of ease, a "modern privilege" can I say of saying "No" ( Okay, I am feeling sarcastic here) . . .  But truly, is life all about have the "proper" margins in our lives? . . . And how DO we decide what ARE the proper margins?

Now don't get me wrong . . . I am trying to put greater "margins" in my life . . . My sanity depends on it . . .

But I think too that we often forget the greater picture in all this . . . This is not about me . . .

I'm sure David wished he could say no, to more battles, more war . . . Yet, somehow he found himself in battles, fleeing from the enemy, hiding in caves . . . And even pretending to be crazy! . . .

Moses, we know, didn't always appreciate the Children of Israel that he had to help "parent" 😁 . . .

Elijah had to trust ravens to feed him and then the brook dried up . . . Couldn't he "give himself" more margins? . . . Sure, he could .
.  but, he would have been shirking the duties and work God planned for him . . . ordained and created him for . . . Actually, he would be disobeying God as God directed him in this . . .

Esther . . . Do you get the picture? . . .

No, I don't claim to be some great saint at all . . . (I do my share of sinning against God, complaining, getting angry and frustrated at our children . . . Letting pressures and stress turn into worry and anxiety) I do claim forgiveness though and salvation . . . and redemption . . . I claim to be washed and adopted . . . I claim to be His daughter . . . and I CERTAINLY claim GRACE to try to live a life pleasing to my Heavenly Father . . .

I do try to accept and embrace His plan for me . . . For me as a women . . . And for me personally . . . And in this modern day and age, to still live out Jesus teachings . . . And remain true and faithful . . . To hang on to Him with all I've got . . .

Shari Zook says on her blog, "But I have come to see that it is Mercy when you face your unraveling early in life instead of late." . . . It is good for us not to have "all our ducks in a row so to speak" . . . It is good to be humbled by our children . . . It is good to experience pain and grief so that we might understand others better . . . It is good to be stretched and stretched some more, to let go of pride and invite people over even when things are not all in order like we want them to be . . . To let people see us for who we are . . . To open up our hearts and write lengthy posts about where we are at in life 🤣 . . .

There are benefits to me being at this can I say "breaking point"  . . . It's not all bad . . . In fact, I am here, because I feel this is God's plan . . . I didn't think I could have, would have changed anything . . . I mean yes, I'D ABSOLUTELY LOVE to have more time and space in my life . . . I would love to not have to experience pain and grief and stress and too much buyness. . . But these things in life that have brought me here . . . Are all for a reason . . . And I know "that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose"

To me, it's just part of the journey, of drawing closer to Him . . . Part of the journey of trusting Him more fully . . . Part of the being "broken" and "poured out" that He lived . . . Part of being part of Him . . .