Thankfulness for God Working in my Heart!

How does God work in a heart? How does He bring about change in my innermost being? I only know He’s at work in the very core of my soul.

For years I’ve been praying for God to turn a certain pile of ashes in my life into something beautiful . . . But I think deep down I’ve avoided the happening of that very thing . . . because in order for God to do this work I have to “bring it to the light”

“This is the condemnation that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
“For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
But He that doeth truth, cometh to the light that his deeds may be made manifest that they were wrought in God.” John 3:18-20


I guess I am very ashamed of this particular ash pile. I’ve just wanted to cover those ashes and hide them, not expose them. Maybe also because I didn’t fully realize or know how deeply they contradicted God’s character . . .

. . . But I have gathered strength once again from my dear husband’s example. Every time he shares the story or stories of how God made something lovely come out of some shameful past, I cry . . . some for the wonderful working of God in his life and some for my own life and this pile of ashes that is still there.

I long to see the redeeming work of God there . . .yet what holds me back?

And so today I take a step forward toward that goal . . . I have something to share with you . . .

How do you know when you are deceived? How do you know when you’ve sinned? Well, there is the Holy Spirit speaking to your heart, there is God’s Word that speaks to us, and there is the family of God here on this earth to help us stay on the narrow way. Sometimes our wrongdoing comes to us though God’s Spirit and sometimes it’s through reading the word that “quickens” us and sometimes it’s a brother or sister that jolts us with the reality in which we are living.

And, so it was my-husband-to-be that jolted me out of my deceived state . . and I sensed the Spirit and God’s word saying “It is true . . . Repent ye” Did God know before hand how hard this would be for me? Of course, he did! I often wonder if that is why God led our courtship the way He did . . . As (if) He knew what it would take to get me to repent of my ways.

I fell short of the grace of God and some roots of bitterness sprung up and I became critical of my parents and my church.

My heart was beginning to wax hard and unsubmissive to my authorities . . .I knew what was better . . . I would go my own way . . . and yet I thought I was following the Lord with all my heart, I thought I was closer to Him than ever before . . .

Hebrews 12:15 “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God
lest any root of bitterness springing up cause you trouble,
and by this many become defiled.
Lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau,
who for one morsel of food sold his birthright
For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing,
was rejected, for he found no place for repentance,
though he sought it diligently with tears . . .
For you have not come to the mountain that may be touched . . .
But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God,
the heavenly Jerusalem, to an innumberable company of angels,
to the general assembly and church of the firstborn who are registered in heaven,
to God the judge of all, to the spirits of just men made perfect,
to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant,
and the blood of sprinkling that speaks better things than that of Abel.

Hebrews 13:17 “ Obey those who rule over you and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.”

Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you . . . “

I “wanted to inherit the blessing” but even though “I sought it diligently with tears” there was none . . . . until I brought myself to repent. (To be continued, I think)