I don’t know the reason why God allowed me to go through a period of depression a number of years ago, but I do know that “All things work together for good to them that love God.”
Sometimes I still wonder . . . Then I read the verse in II Corinthians 1 that says, “Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”
It began after my cancer. I was quite an active person. . . . Cancer changed that. I was tired ALL the time, exhausted. My vitality was gone. I felt like a forty year old, not a 22 year old. I became depressed . . . Later a doctor told me that most cancer patients are put on an anti-depressant automatically. For some reason I hadn’t been. Depression can come three ways emotionally, physically, or spiritually but it affects all three.
Sleep was a commodity hard to come by! Often in the wee hours of the morning I prayed for sleep again and again! God why? I had trusted Him with my life during the surgery and everything, now months later I had a HARD time letting this in His hands.
I met and married Japheth. . . one of the happiest times in my life and yet I still battled depression. Adjusting to married life, cooking three meals a day, getting acquainted with a new community, making new friends (when I didn’t feel social able because of tired state) and being pregnant all added up to difficult winter. Many a day went by with making my husband breakfast, packing his lunch, and sending him off to work, then resting till about four oclock. I would then muster up enough strength to do a bit of housework and make supper. After supper I usually didn’t find the energy to even wash the dishes. They had to wait till the next day when I would “rise and shine” at four o’clock!
“My body is yours for anything, Lord.” Remember the chorus of that song “I Love You, Lord Jesus”? It was a daily struggle to be able to truely say that.
Today, I feel healed from that depression. But I remember those long, dark days. If you were here I would sing you a song that I first heard through my sister-in-law, Judi. She sang it to me that first year of FOCIS out in the all-season room when my heart was low. It’s called Mountain of Sorrow. I just want to be able to comfort others who are hurting. I cry with you when you feel like you can't go on, wondering if time will ever bring healing.
Sometimes I still wonder . . . Then I read the verse in II Corinthians 1 that says, “Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”
It began after my cancer. I was quite an active person. . . . Cancer changed that. I was tired ALL the time, exhausted. My vitality was gone. I felt like a forty year old, not a 22 year old. I became depressed . . . Later a doctor told me that most cancer patients are put on an anti-depressant automatically. For some reason I hadn’t been. Depression can come three ways emotionally, physically, or spiritually but it affects all three.
Sleep was a commodity hard to come by! Often in the wee hours of the morning I prayed for sleep again and again! God why? I had trusted Him with my life during the surgery and everything, now months later I had a HARD time letting this in His hands.
I met and married Japheth. . . one of the happiest times in my life and yet I still battled depression. Adjusting to married life, cooking three meals a day, getting acquainted with a new community, making new friends (when I didn’t feel social able because of tired state) and being pregnant all added up to difficult winter. Many a day went by with making my husband breakfast, packing his lunch, and sending him off to work, then resting till about four oclock. I would then muster up enough strength to do a bit of housework and make supper. After supper I usually didn’t find the energy to even wash the dishes. They had to wait till the next day when I would “rise and shine” at four o’clock!
“My body is yours for anything, Lord.” Remember the chorus of that song “I Love You, Lord Jesus”? It was a daily struggle to be able to truely say that.
Today, I feel healed from that depression. But I remember those long, dark days. If you were here I would sing you a song that I first heard through my sister-in-law, Judi. She sang it to me that first year of FOCIS out in the all-season room when my heart was low. It’s called Mountain of Sorrow. I just want to be able to comfort others who are hurting. I cry with you when you feel like you can't go on, wondering if time will ever bring healing.
God brought me though the deep waters . . . HE CAN DO THE SAME FOR YOU!
God says, “I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you. – John 14:18
God says, “I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you. – John 14:18
"Come unto me . . . and I will give you, rest." Matt11:28
"Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. 3For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour. - Isiah 43:1-3
Here’s a one of my favorite poems. I was having my students memorize this at school when my cancer was found.
THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING
Our Father knows what’s best for us
So why should we complain?
We always want the sunshine,
But we know there must be rain.
We love the sound of laughter,
And the merriment of cheer - -
But our hearts would lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear
Our Father tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow
He tests us not to punish us
But to help us meet tomorrow
For growing trees are strengthened
When they withstand the storm
And the sharp cut of the chisel
Gives the marble grace and form
God never hurts us needlessly
And He never wastes our pain
For every loss He sends to us is followed by rich gain.
And when we count the blessings
That God has so freely sent.
We will find no cause for murmuring and no time to lament.
For our Father loves His children,
And to Him all things are plain
So He never sends us pleasures
When the souls deep need is pain . . .
So whenever we are troubled
And when everything goes wrong
It is just God working in us
To make OUR SPIRIT STRONG.
- Helen Steiner Rice
God had His plan in allowing that deep, dark time in my life. I know one thing. . . He wanted to make my spirit strong! Thank-You, Lord!
2 comments:
Aimee,
Yes it is that thing of wondering why the Lord puts us through the hard times. That was a neat poem.
It was 11 years ago that we lost out little boy Elijah on Friday May 13th. Some days the memories are just so fresh all over again.
He was 5 months 11 days old. To top it off we were babysitting a 3 1/2 month old little boy. It was a hard day when it came to feeding him or putting him to sleep. It is good he didn't care that I was crying. He was probably pretty close in size and weight to our baby. He had heart problems from birth. I listened to his funneral service on the way to pick up my husband from work. It was a good reminder of the witnessing we did while in the hospital and the friendships we made.
I like to remind young mothers that life is short and they grow up so fast so sing and do the motions to running over and deep and wide with their babies instead of pat-a-cake. Our little Elijah loved it when we sang with him and he would smile. The dr. said that heart babies aren't generally happy and don't gain weight well. My reply was that if it is in the genes to gain weight he would and we would work on the happy part. That is probably because they are in pain from surgery. The nurses and doctors liked to come and see him because he would smile at them. So treasure them while they are young because all to soon they will be 18. Just lately a friend reminded me that in airplanes you are instructed to put your own mask on first and then you will be in your right mind to help your children.
Blessings to you,
Diane
i remember in my teen years going to the funeral of David Barnhart,a beautiful little boy two years old. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to lose one of my own so young yet and so dear to my heart! I can't imaginge the pain . . .
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